


Sunken Stars

by solikerez



Series: Sinking the Stars [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Drabble, F/M, Reylo - Freeform, but also the introduction to an upcoming multichapter fic???, free my boy from this pain, it'll have selkies and force bonds and force artifacts and pain it'll be great
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 14:39:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6662839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solikerez/pseuds/solikerez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s comfort in destruction, in screaming until his voice is hoarse and his lungs are rough as cotton wool. But there's warmth in her presence, brushing against his mind with gentleness he's never known. Kylo Ren is being torn apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sunken Stars

He was a monster of his own creation, fire in his veins as he raged, raged, raged like it was the only thing he knew how to do. Some days it burns and he is left vulnerable, his mind ripped open like an old wound with festering edges. Today he is a warrior, untouchable, immortal in his own right. He digs his thumb into his bruises and like a switch he roars to life. There’s comfort in destruction, in screaming until his voice is hoarse and his lungs are rough as cotton wool. _One more time_ , the Supreme Leader says, _one more task and I am done with you for the day_. Spindly fingers brush a peppered face and suddenly his mind is no longer his own (as if it ever really truly was to begin with).

 _Cut her down_ , he says, and all at once Kylo wishes he had never laid eyes on the girl, the girl who stole away in the night, leaving only a scar to remember her by. At least then he’d be free of the pain of indecision, of morality, of choice. How much easier it is to give in, to let the Supreme Leader take what he wants and do what he wants. How much easier it is to be shaped, molded, formed into something worthwhile, something worth wanting. But somehow she’s slipped between the cracks. The warm glow of her presence is like an anchor for him, unwittingly pulling him in with the gravity of her being. More than ever before he is at war with himself, being torn tendon by tendon in every direction, and suddenly he doesn’t know what he wants anymore, which direction to go. He is being groomed for greatness and glory, but in the dull tremor of her heartbeat somewhere across the galaxy he finds some semblance of peace. Slowly and inescapably, she’s pulling him down the path of her fate, but _kriff_ if he’s going to go down without a fight. He sets a torch to the thoughts of the light, picking his mind apart yet again to find the raw strength that he needs.

 _Cut her down_ , the voice says again, and this time he does, hacking at her with all the might he can muster. It is only in his mind, but still he throws his entire soul into it and now the tables have turned. She crumbles to the ground in a graceless heap and suddenly it strikes him how small she is, still a young girl afraid of the dark. She clutches her stomach as the blood from her wounds blossoms onto the snow and her eyes bore into his, searching. Her silence speaks volumes to him. No words, and yet he can feel everything she’s telling him. He finds his own reflection in her eyes and yet barely recognizes himself. He is no man, no warrior, no monster. Here with her, he is stripped of all his layers and defenses, and suddenly he is Ben again. He is young, terrified of being left alone to deal with the demon who whispers in his ear in the dark, hushing his cries. _Not too loud_ , says the silky voice in his head, _they’ll hear, and they’ll never understand you like I do, Kylo Ren. They’ll think you broken, a monster disguised as a boy. But I know you, boy, no one else will ever know you. They’ve never wanted to._

He told himself he’d never cry again after that point, that the monster in his mind was right about him. No one could ever truly know him, know his loneliness at night, desperate to sleep. But looking back at this girl in the snow, he meets his match, eyes that are willing to see him as he truly is, despite what he’s been forced to become. The life slips from her eyes and his whole world shatters, even this small sliver of light too pure for his bloodied hands to keep.

The Supreme Leader is pleased with his perfect little killing machine. _What is one life gone, in the grand scheme of things? You can be so much more, Kylo Ren, that much I know_. But Kylo still can’t get the look of her eyes as they glassed over out of his mind, like a sunken star slipping from the sky. He breathes a shaky sigh of relief as he reaches out for her and brushes against her subtle presence. The Supreme Leader is wise. He can be so much more, but not without _her_. He’d rather suffer under the judgement of the galaxy for the rest of time than have to feel her hurting again. Anything to keep his little ray of light alive and beating. For her, he’d do anything, _everything_.

For her, he’d sink the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea why I wrote this to be honest ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ I was writing to find inspiration for my reylo selkie fic, which is also called “Sinking the Stars” (coincidence? i think not). I realized I was focusing mostly on what was going on with Rey and not enough on Kylo, so this happened. It’s not even entirely related but, I’m posting it anyway, thought I'd make it part of a series! Comments and feedback are endlessly appreciated, and if you want to find me on tumblr, I'm solikerez.tumblr.com


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